Come on a journey with me...
Let me guess...
You've realised that you are a bit of a people pleaser, and you think it’s most likely to do with your upbringing, so you’re pretty stuck with it. Aren’t you?...
You think getting better at setting boundaries and saying 'no' more will help. But which boundaries do people think are ‘OK’, and which are unreasonable?
Your fear of making someone angry stops you from even trying.
And you can’t just go around saying 'no' to people if they really need your help, can you?
These beliefs have left you emotionally burnt out from making sure everyone else is OK, except yourself.
Burnt out from answering phone calls and text messages from people you secretly (or not so secretly) wish would just give you some space.
Burnt out from saying yes to things you don't want to do: staying out late watching your friends get drunk, meeting up for coffee more regularly than you think is necessary, weekends away that eat up your precious time to recharge, helping out a friend who makes you feel guilty if you don't.
You end up tired and cross with yourself for not doing what you wanted. But you just felt too mean to let them down.
"I think it’s a big sign that I’m starting to truly live my life without fearing the opinions of others - thank you Melanie for teaching me how to do this 🥰”
Sometimes it’s easier to make excuses, and you often say you’re too busy or not feeling well. It’s much more polite to say that then tell someone you just don’t want to go. Isn’t it?...
Every time you make an excuse you have to make sure you stick to your story for a while after, so no one finds out you were lying.
You’re tired and on edge. When you get that message on your phone asking you to meet up and you feel dread. How can you get away with saying you’re busy? Again.
You're saying 'yes' to favours and meet ups because you think it’s the thing to do, and you want to be kind, but actually, given the choice, you’d much rather stay at home and read or listen to a podcast. You're just not the same person you used to be.
You want to say 'no', but you feel guilty, so you do what you can, but it makes you feel resentful.
1:1 client, Annie
"I can’t begin to tell you what a revelation and breakthrough last week was. I feel so much stronger than before and have been repeating my mantra every time I feel the need. It sounds so simple, but I realise all my personal life I have suffered with not feeling as important as everyone else."
All this has left you with a sense of not being fully in control of your life.
There are things you'd love to do, places you'd love to go. Those around you would no doubt have plenty of reasons why it wouldn't work out for you, so you just keep your dreams to yourself.
You're not able to make decisions without polling your friends and family to get the benefit of their wisdom first. You don't really trust yourself to get it right, and you want to avoid the humiliating 'I told you so'.
And you go out of your way to avoid upsetting anyone, and that's a major factor when you make choices about your life.
You can't bear the thought of having to deal with any sort of conflict.
"I don’t know quite how it’s happened but I’ve started to believe I deserve my place here on Earth.... I have apologised for existing my entire life......I just feel like; 'I’m here now. I’m going to take up a bit of space. I have nothing to be ashamed about by doing that."
But what if you could learn how to be honest with those around you?
And be able to say 'no' to people who make too many demands on your time and energy without feeling horrendously guilty?
What if you were happy to let go of the relationships that are draining you? And find new friends that are more aligned to who you are now?
What if you had more time to do what you truly want to do, because you’d dropped so many of the things you’ve been doing out of obligation?
And what if you knew yourself so well, that you now found it easy to realise what does, and does not, work for you? Instead of being swayed by what those around you think is a good idea, or choosing the option that makes you feel less guilty?
What if you trusted yourself so much that making decisions was no longer stressful?
What if you got good at putting your needs first, before helping others, what would your life look like then?
"Anyway I just wanted to share these with you as they are quite big steps for me and even though things feel a bit scary, after all the work I've done with you this year I feel completely able to handle myself going forward and I know I will be absolutely fine :-)”
You might have read books about confidence, living life on your own terms, or being authentic. Maybe you listen to podcasts that really motivate you, but it’s just too difficult to implement the advice in your own life. Your situation is too nuanced for a ‘one size fits all’ approach; there are tricky characters in your life, and you need help knowing how to handle them.
We can work together so that you can find your own way.
A way of being that is perfectly 'you'.
Developing your own personal power, whilst honouring your sensitivity.
We'll identify and unblock the conditioning that means you don't feel comfortable putting yourself first, and remove the guilt you feel when you need to disappoint someone.
You'll rebalance the relationships in your life, so that you're on an equal footing with people you already know, and those you are yet to meet.
I really want to stress that the work we do together will last way beyond the time we spend having sessions together; you will be changed, and you will experience the benefits of our work for many, many years to come.
What you'll get from working with me
- The ability to say no without guilt, even to people who might be much worse off than you, or people who don't take no for an answer
- Courage to take those big steps – a new job, a house move, a new relationship – that previously felt out of reach
- A solid sense of who you are and what you need to flourish and make the best of your life
- Trust in yourself to make decisions and know exactly what’s best for you (even if it seems mad to other people)
- Automatically thinking what works best for you, before you offer help or make arrangements, so you’re not left feeling resentful and burnt out
- A feeling of being equal to others, instead of permanently feeling like you're going to be 'told off' by someone
- Having the courage to give criticism when you need to, instead of just letting it go when someone does or says something that impacts you negatively
- Being clear about how your life is going to work for you, without being swayed by the opinions of overbearing people in your life
- A life that works for you, on your terms
"Oh that was SUPER HELPFUL!! Thank you so so much. I felt entirely anxious about it as I did not quite know what to say and how to say so you've really given me exactly what I needed.
The encouragement and empathy from you is also so reassuring and important for me to hear."
6 months 1:1 support & coaching
- AT LEAST 9 x 60 MINUTE 1:1 coaching sessions. Usually six sessions spaced two weeks apart, followed by three sessions spaced a month apart
- ACCESS to the valuable material in Self Belief School: The trainings in Self Belief School will complement the work we do together, and are there for you as an optional resource.
- COMMUNICATIONS REVIEW: I will review any important emails or texts you need to send, to make sure you are communicating assertively and not using any people pleasing red flag words. Through my guidance, you will learn how to communicate assertively yourself, so that your communications have the best chance of you getting what you want from them.
- BRAINSTORMING: whenever you have to have a difficult conversation - for something serious or trivial - I'll brainstorm some phrases for you to use that are clear, assertive and will get your point across without you being talked into something you don't want to do.
- ME, supporting you wholeheartedly for six months.
- TRANSFORMATION that lasts the rest of your life.
"...thank you for everything! I’m a thoroughly imperfect human being but this is the best I have ever felt about myself 😀."
'I don't think I'm ready yet...'
You have an overwhelming urge to put it off, to wait a year, to see how you get by on your own, to see if things work out by themselves. Is that how you feel?
Being ready for big change doesn't feel comfortable.
But if you weren’t ready, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
You wouldn’t be exploring what help is out there.
You wouldn’t even be aware that you had it within you to change at all.
If it's calling you.....it's for you.
If we haven't already spoken, just click the button below and fill in the questions on the form. I will get back to you once I've seen your answers and we will then arrange a brief Zoom call so that we can decide if we're a good fit to work together. There is no obligation to go ahead by filling in the questionnaire.take the first step
"Thank you so much for your support and guidance, I can feel the shift in me which is amazing."
"I am reading back through all our emails and realising how all the little hard steps have got me here. This feels amazing.”